Beautiful Servants- Africa Day 3

Today we went to church with Pastor Edward. I had no clue what to excpect, but in my mind it would be held in a little white building and all the old black women would be dressed in there finest attire and would dance and lift up the Lords holy name. At least the last part was right, but church was held in a poorly constructed wood structure, some parts coverd in tarp, with a few pieces of wood nailed together for seats. The women were dressed in there finest attire, that of some hand me down skirts and hoodies. The men dressed in suits that didn't match and button downs that had stains. All of that didn't matter though, I looked at these people and saw a beauty that surpassed our fashionable church any day. All of these people worshiped and prayed with such intensity that it's hard to describe the joy that overcame my heart. I have never felt closer in tune to the Spirt then the way I felt this morning in that structure without lights, instruments, or projecters. Why do we complain if the music is to loud? Why are we embarrassed to raise our hands and kneel before our Lord in public? Why are we scared to let go and dance for Jesus? We are talking about the Savior, the Mighty King, who has overcome the grave and rose beauty from ashes. He deserves everything and anything we can give him. America needs revival and to understand that our brothers and sisters in much more desperation and pain then we could imagine are faithful servants of God, the kind of servants that we need to be. A city on a hill, shining in sync for our great faith in our father! 

    Church on the Rock Zambia, Africa 

     I do this for you Lord, and you alone. 

Joyful Redemption- Africa Day 2

Today was another day full of adventures!  We started with the Maternity home connected with the Crisis pregnancy center. We heard the heartache of one of the girls there, as she told the story of how she came to be pregnant. This 14 year old was impregnanted by her father, after her mother had died. She had suffered so much, it was incomprehendable to think of how much pain her self esteem, heart, and health was and is in. She gave birth to a beautiful daughter and was staying at the maternity home to learn skills such as tailoring, gardening, and working with poultry. I was so blessed to see these women learning skills, and being loved by the mothers there. The Lord was ever so present leading them through the trials they had faced and redeeming there lives! 

After that, we drove down the rode to the Nehemiah Boys Ranch. I have to be honest, I was a little uncomfortable and nervous about this one. A group of young men my age, many found on the street, just learning about Christ seemed a little scary to a white teenage girl. How incorrect my thoughts were. I probably haven't met many other more respectful young men in my life. We all gathered in a circle and shared our names and aspirations. The boys went around saying what they wanted to become with such certainty.  Many had dreams of being lawyers, doctors, and engineers. I love how God used those dreams to encourage me. How often I tell myself," I can't be that",  " There is not enough opportunities",  " I will never get into a school that offers that program" , and " I will never be good enough to do that." Yet these 12 boys, that live in the middle of Africa, on a far off dirt road, with a well, and a small building, with broken windows, covered in wire, believed that with God they could do anything! What a powerful example of how following Christ can get you so far. 

Next Barbra,  Paster Edwards wife, showed us the barber shop and boutique they owned that raises funds for the Sara Rose foundation. As she introduced us to the managers she came around to me and said this is my daughter Lexi, I laughed because we had a conversation yesterday about her son being 17 just as I was.  Barabra and I seem to have a lot in common and she would like me to stay here and become her sons wife. Although I have never even met this young man. Now Brandon, not to worry, I still love you! 

After that, I think I smiled as big as the Cheshire Cat when I heard we were going to Indian food ( my favorite )! Back in the states my Daddy and I have gone on several dates to the Taj Mahal and ate fantastic Indian cuisine, just like what we had today! (Daddy, we had Tandori Chicken, rice, and Indian bread!) We have returned to our hotel, and are winding down before the 3 hour long service for Church in the morning! 

Thank you Lord for the tender heart you have blessed me with, and the wonderful laughs and hope you have instilled in our team! We live for your Glory:) 

Precious Life -Africa Day 1

I am in Africa, beautiful, cultural, genuine Africa. When our plane landed in Johannesburg it was freezing about 1 degree Celsius. We then flew to Ndola, a little warmer and drove to Kitwe, which is cool in the mornings and nights but perfect during the day. Last night we settled into our rooms at the hotel and met for dinner in there outdoor dining room. One for the hotel workers named Charles came to our room to get our orders for the Chef. We enjoyed a lovely meal, I had a ham and cheese sandwich with some vegetables. We then returned to our rooms for a much needed rest. I feel asleep, about 27 seconds after I hit the pillow and woke at 6:30. The team met for breakfast at the indoor dining hall and were fed a traditional Zambian real fast consisting of fried eggs, toast, tomatoes, ham, sausage, baked beans an some kind of other brown and onion mush that none of us were brave enough to try.

We then set out for the day in a small van driven, as if it were a race car, by Pastor Edward. We then picked up his beautiful wife Barbra and headed to the Silent Vioces Crisis pregnancy center. We got the grand tour, and received lots of amazing information about the ministry. They began in 1988 as the first Zambian Pregnancy center, sense then they have preached the good news and have been pro life, saving around 6,000 precious children of God. 

After that, we drove to the Sara Rose foundation Orphanedge where I fell in love 31 times, with each warm, dark, hand I held. These children took a piece of my heart from the second I looked them in the eyes. My two main companions Jophina and Juliet led me around, proudly showing me the old metal bunk beds they slept in. Watching there thankful faces, showing me where they eat and shower, I had a quiet moment when I needed to shed a tear. I only had an hour with them yet they blessed my life richly. At one point I was crowded in the school room with about 20 other children. Each child was writing names, letters, and numbers on the chalckboard all shouting " teacher!" "Teacher Lessi" " look" look" as each one pulled and tugged on me I would look down and say something around the lines of " wonderful, I'm so proud of you!" An hour that's all it took, and I'm hooked on loving on these kids! 

What an example that The Lord set for me today, he taught me every life and breath is precious. No matter where you live, love is the common thread. We want to be loved and to love. We want our Heavenly Father to look down and say "wonderful, I'm so proud of you! " 

The day is wrapping up and Edward and Barbra took us to te Pick and Pay ( Zambia's Walmart) for water, soda, and batteries. Next store there was a nice Chinese Restraunt where we decided to eat. So strange I know, Chinese in Africa? Surprisingly it was very good, and there are a lot of Chinnese buisnesses here. After that, we were returned to our hotel, at 6:30 we are going to brief about the day and sleep. Tomorrow comes with more ministry as we seek Christ in humility and faith. Thank you for your prayers! 

Cracked and Restoring

1 day 8  hours and 24 minutes, from this very moment I will board a plane at sky harbor to begin a 35 plus hour travel to Zambia. If I'm completely honest, I'm scared, weak, and very worn. This last week was rough and the spiritual ware fare was and is beyond what I would have expected. If it could be strained, it was strained. My relationships, my emotions, and my physical self has been hurting. Not only was it the 1 year anniversary of June 30th, but on top of that I learned more about ministry and the aches and pains that come with it than ever. Ministry is not glamorous. In fact it's rough and tough and more often then not you fall down and scrape your knee. The benefit of every ministry is, there will ALWAYS be someone there to pick you up. That someone isn't your youth paster, best friend, boyfriend, or even your mommy it's the one person that doesn't have to say a word, yet says it all. The Bibles been my chocolate this week ( as it seems to be every week) it cheers me up, makes me smile, and gives me hope that this life is worth living. I think that this adventure , that will lead me 9,569.97 miles away from my comfort zone , will break my selfish heart, and test me to live dangerously. I want to have a fearless Spirit that rejoices in times of doubt and shame. I want one of a meek and joyful heart. My first wish for this trip is that God will break my heart, and that together we can restore my life into a stronger servant hood. I'm seeing that Spiritual ware fare is a form of distraction in reality. Honestly I've had no time I think about boarding a plane to Africa. The enemy is ever so present at this time, which should make me joyful because that means something kingdom worth is about to happen. The nerves are definitely setting in and fear has clouded my heart a bit. My focus was derailed  and my thoughts tend to wander and it think I'm in need of an adventure and Today was it. My brother and boyfriend Brandon took me to Pine for Lunch and an adventure at Tonto bridge. Now I'm all for the great outdoors, but this was some major rock climbing, above cliffs, above deep pools of water, above insecurity. As we made our way over these treacherous caverns I couldn't help but focus on the beauty of this wonder. The bridge was in crested with stunning rocks and water in a deep turquoise  shade. As fear crept in at 50 or so feet up, I took a deep breath grabbed Brandon's hand and allowed him to lead me down the ledge, I really saw Jesus in this. Just as I trusted Brandon to safely lead me down the steep, slippery hill, I trust Jesus to lead me through the rocky dangerous world. I grab his hand and cling to his words " I will never leave you, or forsake you my beautiful daughter!" " Thank you father, I trust you, I trust you!" I answered. I'm realizing that trust can be more then a change of the heart, maybe trust is an emotion.. It seems to me that when I truly place my trust in Christ, I feel unburdened and free, but when I give a small price of my heart to trust I feel anxious and imprisoned to my worry. It's been a crazy day, it's been a crazy week, but he never left me, he stood by my side.

Consistancy in Change

I think that life has twist and turns, bumps and bruises, heartache and pain to strengthen our small faith. It amazes me how little time it takes for me to be so spiritually connected, and then one little thing can separate ME from God, but God does not separate himself from me, I separate myself from him. I realized something about Jesus this week, it may be one of my favorite things about him. I have a lot of wonderful, believing friends and family in my life, and they are all amazing, but they all change. I dislike change, in fact I despise it. I like how my life is, I have a loving boyfriend, beautiful family, great church, and hilarious friends. I always have a plan, and a backup plan, and sometimes one after that. I have a home, and a fridge full of food, the opportunity for education, and a voice. Everything is great, I am so blessed and I always will be with my belief in Jesus. The problem is, I want to freeze time. I don’t want to leave home, or make new friends, or really do anything out of my comfort zone. I basically want to live a boring, normal life, that does not change.

  Most importantly I don’t want my relationships to change. Now that’s scary! When a relationship changes, it usually means something is about it will die, and something new will replace it. I don’t like the dying part. It seems to me that when that part dies, heartbreak soon follows. Guess what? I figured out its inevitable for your relationships to change, and it kind of hurts. Actually, it really hurts.  Heartbreak is the worst pain, it surpasses grief in a way for me, although heartache is a large part of grief.  There are so many different things that break my heart, human trafficking, women suffrage, orphans, hunger, and cancer may be just a few. Changing relationships is another. I value each and every friendship I have, in fact I believe that my family consists of much more than the 5 of us Lucas’ it’s more like a hundred brothers and sisters, and a couple moms and dads. I love so many people, but people change, and so do I. My feelings change, my heart changes, and my focuses differ, but my God is constant.

"if we are faithless,
    he remains faithful,
    for he cannot disown himself."

2 Timothy 2:13

Always, forever, eternally will my heavenly father be the same. This truly amazes me , I am captivated with the thought of having a consistent factor in my life. If I didn’t have something to ground me, I would be like a house made out of straw, fortunately I am made out of brick.  The wind blows, rain comes, sometimes a hurricane, a tornado, or an earthquake happens, but I am still intact, and the only reason why is because of my strong foundation in Christ.

My prayer today:

Lord as everything shakes and I feel like I am crumbling, you stand strong. You hold me as I’m weak and hurt. As my heart breaks for change and different circumstances arrive I will turn to you the only source of power for me. I will make as great as an effort to shine you, because I know that in times of trouble, your love holds me and I can use that love to embrace someone else. I thank you for your heart for me, and for comforting me as everything is falling, and you are constantly you, loving, and beautiful you.

Thank you my mighty King Jesus my heart relents and trusts in you.

Your admiring daughter,

Lexi

I do this for you Lord, and you alone. 

 

 

The Peace After Grief

I've had my share of deep rooted pain. This summer I experienced the death of 19, in the fall a terrible car accident, and yesterday the death of a family animal. Literal heartache from pain, grief that can hurt so bad you're numb, suffering that is unimaginable , and a word conquered yet feared, DEATH. I'm tired of it, and I'm fed up with the feelings it's accompanied by. I am angry that on the cross the Lord defeated such a horrific thing, yet I still suffer from grief. This will be the first time I write about the last year of my life, and I hope to put it to rest, and rise from these ashes.

June, 30th, 2013. A date that will forever hold its sting, and has forever changed my life. On this day I was on vacation with my sister Laney, 7 and my mother Jen in Colorado along with our wonderful cousins. My father, Ralph and sister Lauren, 14 were in the middle of the grand canyon on a river trip.  I remember the second it came.A text that changed our family forever. My best friend Shelby asked if I had heard about the 19 missing wild land firefighters. Confused, and selfishly wondering how everyone liked the dessert I had cooked, I blatantly told my mom. She was concerned, and immediately researched the fire, by this time the were found, perished. That was my dads team, he had traveled, served, and bonded with each member. My mom picked up the phone and called another department wife for clarity, over the crackling voice on the other side we heard the names of each member that had passed. The depth of the heartache was so real as we each fell to our knees. Then, the voice of a widow we had had dinner with a few days before. I remember her saying, "Jen, I'm crying in my bed surrounded by women who love me, I'm okay." I directly called my youth pastor, best friend, and mentor for wisdom. I had never experienced such sadness. We had to push it away, get tickets for the next flight home, and locate the other half of our family in the middle of the Grand Canyon. After hours and hours of tracking my sister and dad, the helicopter found them, dropped a note reading," Ralph and Lauren , please evacuate and meet us at the end of the trail. Terrified, while running 2 miles to the end of the trail, my heroic father assured my sister that something terrible had happened, and that he would always be there for her. The helicopter evacuated them, as the rode up, the pilot said, "Sir, I am sorry to inform you but 19 of your men have perished in a fire." They landed to men lined across the runway saluting my father as he walked to the car.I remember walking through the Phoenix Airport, literally feeling like the world had stopped. I now believe that the Lord released me from the situation for just a moment. As we just about ran to the car, it was as if I was watching us from heaven. I watched the thousands of people pass us by, without a thought.

We had returned, we were home, well our broken earthly home Prescott, Arizona born and raised. The next month of my life, is a blur. Funerals, Funerals, and more funerals. I swear, any moment that our family wasn't wearing black was a  moment of freedom. Family and friends everywhere, and there for practically every little thing. I will humbly admit I did not know every Firefighter, or had a deep personal relationship with any of them, but when you grow up in the fire department every one is family, and as far as I'm concerned I had 19 members of my family die on 1 day. I watched my father suffer through,19 different ends to relationships 19 different grieving process, the attempt to comfort 19 families,  the passing of 19 flags, and 19 different funerals. It came to a point where I no longer felt the sadness, because it was so terribly deep. I watched children, wife's, and friends grieve the deaf of 19 men not even near there time of death. I was beyond the emotion of anger, I was furious and outraged at my Lord for allowing such a tragedy pass through my life. I reluctantly attended the memorial service, and then was left home alone for 4 days as my parents traveled to funerals, and my sisters stayed with my aunt. During this time, I searched my heart looking for answers to the deep grief our family and town was feeling. I didn't only want direct answers, but I wanted to fix the problem.

Months passed, and the blur continued. My sister and I wanted to start our Christmas Wish Lists, we asked our mom if we could drive to Hobby Lobby. She simply answered "yes", and we went to leave. Lauren turned around saying, "Mom say goodbye, you don't know we could get in a car accident or something!" my mom said, "Lauren, you're right I'm sorry , goodbye. I love you!" I was a 16 year old driver with a red civic. I was  driving along as I always did, granny speed. I noticed a driver in front of me swerving in and out of lanes. As I approached Prescott valley, the driver pulled in front of me and slammed on his breaks, without time I slammed on mine. We hit so hard it was as if my heart leaped out of me. My first priority was my sister, she was okay. I didn't care if I was, my car was totaled, and on top of that the driver fled the scene.Fast forward a couple hours, I didn't have a car, my sister and I were suffering with harsh whiplash, and I now faced a new fear, that continues today.

 May 22nd 2014, our cat passed. Dear old Beans (our cat). I literally despised the thing, because it would attack you behind corners as if it was possessed with demons. Yet as I home schooled myself on weekdays, when our home was s empty, my good old buddy beans was right there to cuddle for 30 seconds or so, before he tried to rip off my face. How he died is not for the weak stomached readers, so skip this part if you must. I wish I could. He suffered. Tonight my sister Lauren graduated from 8th grade, and we had been out celebrating for 3 hours. My grandma dropped me off at youth group, my sweet brother in Christ Brandon had dropped me off at home, as we walked in the door my dad had to inform us my mother was at the emergency vet with Beans. When the family had got home from the festivities for the night, my mom opened the garage to pull her car in, as she did she watched that cat along with my two sisters, drop from the garage to the ground. He had been caught, and hanging for three hours in one of the sections of the garage door. he lied there as my mom rushed to the vet. The news soon came, completely paralyzed with a broken back, and on his last breath. They put him down.

I am so done, so done with anything that ends in death, or tragedy. I hate the thought of suffering. I hate the thought that 19 men burned to death,that my car accident has left me with so many terrible fears, and that our cat died such a horrible, painful, long death. I hate even the thought of the people suffering and facing persecution all around the world for there faith. I hate that thousands of girls are stuck in red light districts, and sold into the sex trade. I hate that there are 132 million orphans. I hate that we once were racist, and segregated. Most of all I hate the fact that the Lord could allow such heartache in the world.This has been the hardest thing I have ever wrote on a personal level, yet alone a published blog. What was the point of me writing this? Believe me, I struggled, bawled my eyes out, almost broke my laptop, and yelled at God every five minutes while he continually made it clear for me to write these events. I am transformed, I am closer, and I am stronger. As I look back on each event, and dissect the process in which I grieved and am grieving for each, I see a clear trend. A trend of hope, and revival. It has been, but a few hours sense Beans passed, and I am worshiping Jesus in such a way that I may as well just burst with joy filling my heart with my King Jesus.

"and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." -Isaiah 61:3

  From the fallen 19:

• I have witnessed the faith of my earthly father grow closer to my heavenly father
• I have seen our family struggle, and learn to reconnect. 
• I have made a life long friendship with my widowed sister Kristi. 
• I have  felt my heart break over and over again as the Lord continually purifies every ounce of my soul

 "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal"-2 Corinthians 4:16-18

  Through my car accident:

•  I have found forgiveness, in the depths of my heart. 
•  I have obtained a fear of driving/car rides in general that forces me to put trust in Jesus, and Jesus alone. 
• I have developed a deeper appreciation, and love for my family and loved ones

 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4

 
The death of our cat Beans:

•  I have found how to process grief. 

The secret is to let yourself. Just grieve, if you want to make it through, then take every emotion that comes with it. Tonight I found myself throwing things across the room and yelling at God, to five minutes later worshiping him with such an intensity that i felt as though I was no longer an earthly object, but an eternal spirit that belongs in the palm of Jesus. He was waiting for me, all along, all he wanted me to do was grieve. I fought tears, anger, and really any emotion I could, and simply tried to forget the pain I was feeling for the last year. When all our gracious Lord wanted was for me to cry in till I literally believed I might pass out, jam my face into the depths of my pillow, and release every ounce of pride left, and just rest in his arms.

I do this for you Lord, and you alone. 

The Personality Type of People Pleasing

I am... I am a daughter, a sister, a friend and a people pleaser. Although that may not sound like a dangerous, or degrading word, it is. People pleasing is among the most addictive and harmful habits a human can ever develop. People pleasing has run my life for as long as I can remember, and in reality is just a form of insecurity. Over the past 6 months, people pleasing has degraded my self esteem, taken up hours of my time, and brought me to my knees. I could not promote a better book then the book of Galatians for this topic. Over the past week a brother and I have read and dissected this book and its spiritual wisdom. As Paul writes to the churches the Lord instructed him to plant years before, he brings out attributes that reflect the personality type and art of people pleasing. Galatians 1:10 reads "Do you think I am trying to make people accept me? No, God is the one I am trying to please. Am I trying to please people? If I still wanted to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Convicting... right? I am disgusted at the fact that I could not be serving Christ because of my addiction to people pleasing.

When I was called into the presence of the Lord I wasn't instructed by anyone, but saved by Christ alone. So why do I dwell for hours about how if I would have done this, or that he would have, she would have liked me better. People pleasing is not only mentally and physically draining, but spiritually disastrous. I am a slave to my habit of people pleasing, Mathew 6:24 says"No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other..." Colossians 3:23-24 says,"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. The scriptures clearly rebuke people pleasers, but it is easier said then done to abandon this lifestyle.

The art of people pleasing is so intricate and intense. Certain people desire certain needs, and therefore your focus of pleasing changes with the person or people you're around. I found that some people like control, others like comfort, and yet others are just lazy. I'm the one who picks up the slack, makes situations easier for others (making it harder for myself), or the one who settles on an idea that may not be spiritually lead, or reflect the light. All, because I genuinely want others to be happy. Pathetic, we were not made to be happy all the time. We were made to grow in the Spirit, to spread truth, and to point everything back to Christ. People pleasing is none of those things, in fact its the opposite. It points my heart, and my desires straight back to the world, and the people on it, and therefore is unhealthy for my Spiritual life. 

 How can I, as the Lord has, rebuke this addiction. Well as in all things, I believe we need to turn back to the scriptures for Spiritual wisdom and instruction. There are three key points to attempt readjusting the personality type of people pleasing.

1. "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load." Galatians 6:1-6 Get yourself an accountability partner! Designate a person that is constantly around you in stressful situations that may tempt you back into people pleasing. As well as an encourager, that can help you release control, and learn how to delegate. Pick someone that is honest, and willing to tell you when you are in sin, and when you need to step back and recenter your focus back on Christ
2.  "How can you believe, when you receive glory from one another and do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?" John 5:44 . Every time a new task, or opportunity for people pleasing arises ask yourself why you are doing this? If any of the answers include, a need for self praise, the admiration of a person, or the happiness of a crowd do not do it. If it simply is to advance the kingdom then invest every ounce of yourself into doing it.
3.  "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."- Galatians 2:20 I can do nothing alone, along with an accountability partner here on earth with me, and really a heart that desires Christ I can overcome my addiction to people pleasing, and break the habit as a whole. With the Lord as my guide, protector, and rock. 

 I do this for you Lord, and you alone.