Attached to Hope- Africa Day 6

We were told not to get attached, because emotionally it can ruin you. I don't think that I'm capable of not attaching myself to children with the love The Lord has stored in my heart. Sometimes, my love overflows and bonds with the smiles and laughter that children produce. I guess that's a good thing, but not here, not now. The timing is horrible, but it's not my time to shine, it's his! God is tugging at every string that's wrapped around my heart. 

I'm starting to get the hang of this thing, you have to be stern with these children. I finally learned how to yell "Sit Down" with a Hitler, Germany type of tone. It actually works on these kids, and it's the only way to get them to listen. It's also boosted my confidence quite a bit! Although, with each yell I followed with a sweet smile and a kiss for all the children around me. It always seems to be that when you are finally getting the culture you must leave, today was our last, hard day at the feeding center and school. Although I was very weak and worn today, my prayer was for a renewed and energetic Spirit and I believe that it was answered. 

My heart was torn when Shelby pointed out a 2 year old to me. This wasn't a normal, healthy 2 year old though. As I took a deap breath and held her hand closer to my face the condition overwhelmed me. Her hand was burnt, from the fingertips to the wrist, pealing, cracking, blistering and missing the entire top later of skin. I tried to pick her up and comfort her, I then located her brother. I said in a terrible British/Bemba accent ( which seems to help them understand english better) "Does she have medicine?" He answered ,"Yeah!"  The little girl ran and snuggled with her brother, I said " does it hurt her?" He replied, "Yes, a lot!l I then questioned him, saying " why is she scared of me?" He shrugged and looked at her hand. My brain clicked, there is a strong possibility that her hand was burnt in response from physical 
abuse. A physical abuse that many of these children deal with daily. My heart hurt so much that I felt paralyzed and incapable of anything but love. I loved the girl and smiled at her as intentionally as I could. My soul sang for healing and a comfort for this child. 

The day went fast and feeding time soon came, which had become one of the worst yet my favorite part of the day. The worst because of how hungry the children are, but my favorite because I can help feed them with a prayer and a plate of corn meal, sliver of chicken with broth, and some boiled cabbage. Today I started by helping stir the thick, heavy, and hot mash made out of corn meal. Then, I grabbed the pot of cabbage and started to serve it on the plates, after a while we had about 20 kids to feed and I had ran out of the vegetable. I Wondered if we should make more, bu knew we had no vegetables left. God answered my question with "Keep going!". I had a moment when my mind raced and said " Lexi, it's all your fault that the rest of the kids aren't getting vegetables. You served too much to the kids before! How could you do that?" Right after the enemy was telling these lies to me, Christ interjected, reminding me he will give the children enough for that day, and supply there nutrition. I was thankful for that promise and went to wash dishes. 

While I cleaned the plates, I was surrounded by Zambian women with hearts of gold. I fit in, completely. I was meant to be here. If you've ever heard my testimony, it's not too exciting, but the turning point was the bullying I had gone through at school and how not fitting in really destroyed my confidence. The first place I ever fit in and was accepted was when I began going to Cornerstone youth group. The second place I fit in was next to an open fire of coals, a hole full of dirty dishes and filthy water, and a 150 hungry children in the middle of Africa. The common thread, Jesus. I fit in where Jesus is working. 

I cried and hurt as I kissed, hugged, and held each child saying goodbye. Instead of saying that dreaded word, Christ prompted me to say "See you soon!" I left knowing that I would soon see these faces of beauty and hope again.