The Ultimate Healer

 

8 months 14 days after God said “Alexis, I will instill you with the gift of healing”, a miracle happened.  You can deny me, you can make fun of you, you cannot believe me, but our God still heals. My prayers my thoughts have echoed healing for the past 8 months and today, he did it. He did it.

The night prior to a normal Sunday morning service, my mom told me she wasn’t feeling well. I was prompted to tell her that I would work her nursery position for the next morning so she could sleep in and hopefully feel better. That morning I got a sweet text from my boyfriend, Brandon, we were both full of Joy to see what God was going to do this week. Brandon had taken on the challenge to pray that I would have an opportunity to heal that week, and I knew he had been praying about that, although it wasn’t the first thing on my mind that morning! I arrived at the church, prepared to hold some babies and sing lullabies, little did I know what Christ had in store for me that day. When I went into nursery, the coordinator informed me that she had filled the position and I wasn’t needed. I decided to go to the service instead with my dad, I waited until he arrived and then went into service with him. He asked me to pick between two rows, I picked and we sat down. When the worship set finished I heard a women behind me cough. From the first sound of her lungs God opened my heart and I knew that she needed to be healed. As I turned slightly to see what God had in store, I saw a woman carrying a breathing tube and looking as though she was struggling to breath. The duration of the service was a blur, I prayed, I worshiped, and I set my heart for a healing. The second the worship leader said goodbye I grabbed my water bottle and waited for the women at the door. From here, the Spirit took over.

“Hi, my name is Lexi!” I said nervously. She replied, “Hello, my name is Susan.” “Nice to meet you, Is this your first time at Cornerstone?” “No, I was baptized here!” “ Wow, that’s great! Susan, God told me that I needed to pray for you this morning, so could I do that?” “Sure” she replied, “but first I need to use the restroom,” I laughed, “okay, I will wait for you.” She went into the restroom, and I prepared myself best I could. She came back and I said, “Our God is a God of healing.” She said, “Yes he is!” “God had given me the gift of healing, and today I believe that you will be healed. Can you please list the medical conditions that you are struggling with?” First, I received a blank stare and then amazement in her eyes. “Wow, okay! Well I have struggled with breathing. My lungs are breathing in a gas that they aren’t supposed to and my heart is not working properly, my back is in such pain.” “Alright, well God wants me to humble myself and so if you could sit down so I could kneel. “ She sat in a chair and I kneeled, I placed my hands on her, and for probably about five minutes I closed my eyes and Jesus spoke, tears ran down my face. I looked up to see several individuals staring at us on their way into church, but it was just me and Jesus. I looked at her and she was amazed. She said,  I need you to pray for protection, I’m scared of this man that hurt me and that’s why I’m struggling to breath.” Round two, I went into the same rhythm of prayer. Both Susan and I devoted our hearts to the power of God. I heard several coughs this time, and a clearing of the throat. I said Amen, and she looked me straight in the eyes and said, “I can breathe, it’s clear. My back doesn’t hurt, and my heart feels amazing!” I burst into tears, I hugged her, she hugged me and I could not stop repeating, “Praise God! Praise God! She said,“ I love you, thank you! I love you Jesus!”  

My words are beyond inadequate to share how my heart rejoiced. He is the ultimate healer. We doubt his power. If Brandon had not prayed for me, if my mom had not been sick and unable to go to first service, if I would have been needed in nursery, if I hadn’t waited for my Dad, if I didn’t pick that row to sit in,  then I would have missed it. I almost missed an opportunity to use my spiritual gift to bring faith and belief in the king of kings.

I’m not going to say I don’t care if you believe me, because I do. I want you to know that we serve a living God. We serve a Jesus that performed healings. The Christ that brought faith to great numbers of people through miracles. The one that offers His followers spiritual gifts to help grow the kingdom. My heart hurts for those who don’t believe me, for you are missing out on the most incredible, intimate relationship with the creator.  

My beloved Jesus,

I want you more. I want you more than anything the world can temporarily give me today. Thank you for working through me and in me to create such an incredible moment for my faith. I long for you , I thirst for you. You are they most valuable, the first in my heart. Lord, I give you everything. You are worthy of every ounce of glory that I can squeeze out of this. Help me to praise you earnestly when I have nothing, and when I have everything. For in you, I am always beautiful.

Your admiring daughter,
Lexi

 

I Am No Hero - Coming Home

I've realized something from my return to the states. I realized that my heart beats differently, literally. I've realized that with each breath, comes a burden and longing for each one of Gods children. I can hardly go an hour without tears for my babies, for his sons and daughters. Every fiber in me misses the smiles and laughs shared, the bonds and the fellowship that were shaped, and the love that abounded. I have to remember though that those feelings and spiritual connections are not gone. They are as strong as ever with each prayer, thought, and advancement of the kingdom. I am thankful for every second that our team had in Kitwe, and know that God not only encouraged the Sara Rose Foundation of Zambia, but the Cornerstone Church and family of Arizona.

I am so excited to share more stories of the spiritual journey we encountered, but I have one fear.  I want to release this fear though, and live for the glory of Christ. My fear is that you, my loving family, friends, brothers and sisters will see me and the team as "heroes". How incorrect this would be, for I am no hero. Although this trip was out of my comfort zone, stole my heart, and changed every perspective I've ever had. I am no greater than a servant of Christ. As we share our stories, and our hope for future ministry I wish that every word of praise would be to our Father. For it is rightfully his, nothing is done without his compassionate soul inside of us. He lead, we followed. It is such a simple statement to say, but has an infinite amount of meaning. My prayer is that every answer, every story, every tear would come from my humbled heart and that he would shine, not me.

Dearest Daddy,

I pray that every beat of my heart sings for your kingdom come, and your will be done. Continue to burden my heart for the least of these. Give me the grace needed to care for every child, not just those 9,800 miles away. Allow me to find rest in your arms as I hurt for your hungry children. Let every word be humble, and meek Lord. Instill a gentle and quiet Spirit inside of me, for you say that shall never be destroyed. Please, King Jesus give me the strength I need to listen to your call for my life, I offer my dreams to you Lord. Alter them, change them, and make me into the servant I was made to be. Thank you for preparing this moment for me Lord, and leading. I will follow.

 Amen, and in thankfulness :

Your Admiring Daughter

Forever and Soon-Africa Day 8

Today was our last day at the orphanage. I will miss each child with every ounce of me, for they have taught me so much. The Lord loves to use our passions to teach and instruct us on his heart for us! I saw it in Juliet today.

Juliet was one of the first, sweet girls I met at the Sara Rose home a week ago. She is my loving, little sister and would be a perfect fit for the Lucas family ( *hint hint Mom and Dad ). She is a quiet soul, you can find her in the classroom, learning or drawing when all the other kids are running wild and throwing cookies. You can always catch her sensitive smile, or hold her soft, little hand. Juliet is 7 years old, she was raised by her great, great grandmother untill she became to old, and weak to care for her. She dropped her at the orphanage for better care. Since then, she has grown with the loving care of the moms there. Although she is quiet, and has self control she has a wild and fun spirit that can't help, but make you laugh. Together we had our own dance party in the nursery and got several kids to join in on the fun. She wants everyone to be included, and won't let anyone be left out. She loves hugs that have tight squeezes, head scratches, and goodbye kisses. I will forever remember the grace that she has for everyone around her, and the sisterhood we share. 

Pasko was doing well today, and gave me a huge grin when I first saw him. I picked him up and cared for him for the day. 

By the end, I was called something I have never been called before. Mom, if you've ever read Kisses From Katie that same word lead her to a life of mission. The kids began to shout something in Bemba, looking for a translation the Mom said, " They are calling you Mother of Pasko," I smiled and kissed the sweet child in my arms. How powerful, 7 short days, and a relationship that will last a life time. To say the least I left with the Number of the Mom from the orphanedge, and left my number for her. Our conversations concluded with a possible teaching opportunity and open arms for a potential stay at the Sara Rose home. 

Letting go of the last hand, cracked another piece of my heart. One last wave, and blow a kiss goodbye, but it's not goodbye, it's " See you soon, I love you!" 

Housework and Hugs - Africa Day 7

 Today was spent with the orphans at the Sara Rose Orphanage.  It was a calmer and less intense day then the previous spent at VBS, but just as packed with Jesus. The older kids had left for school by the time we got there this morning. That left us with about 15 younger kids and laundry for 35. 

 Jeni and I began folding the Laundry that one of the "Moms" had instructed us to fold and sort. Now, this wasn't just any laundry, it was a mountain of laundry!

So with the Lords lead ,we folded all of 

it with a smile on our face. Little did we know, this was only the beginning of the laundering. These women honestly amaze me, they work so hard for nothing. At least nothing here on earth, but boy are they stowing away Gold for heaven!  We moved on to washing clothes. They didn't have a washer and dryer, just buckets, a hose, and some dry soap.

We scrubbed, and scrubbed, and scrubbed some more, but really just got the dust and dirt out of the clothes. After a while we hung them to dry on clothes lines and threw the leftovers on a low, reachable section of the roof. 

It was getting close to lunchtime and the kids were all in the schoolroom learning. The Moms gathered us in the kitchen to teach us and help us finish prepare lunch. A Zambian Classic Shima was being prepared. Basically it's corn meal and water. I had helped stir the thick mash the day before at the Feeding center, so I had a little experience. After we finished lunch, we served the kids and put them down for nap time. 

Meanwhile I was hanging out with my new brother Pasko. Pasko is 5 years old, and he has a spinal disability. His disability restricts him from walking, sitting up, talking, developing regular formation of his joints, and has stunted his growth. The kids call him baby, because he is litterly like a baby. I have a special place in my heart for disabled children, or disabled people in general, and always have. I asked a series of questions to one of the moms to learn more about him, and how he struggles. He stole my heart and I spent a lot of time trying to get him to say his sounds, which he is starting to get and making him smile with silly faces. 

He would laugh, I would giggle. He would smile, I would squeal. He would grab my hand, I would squeeze his. He is so small and fragile, but has a big personality that takes up the room! 

I love him, and we have a special bond. Only one that can be formed with Christ. I think that my soul didn't stop praying for healing from the moment I held him, to the moment I put him down, and yet it still prays now. It is so possible for him to someday walk and talk with the power of Jesus. 

I am thankful for each child I have touched, seen, and interacted with. I can't help but pray for more hands so that every child could hold one and I could comfort more then a few at a time.  Mmy life has been blessed with everyone of them. 

 Thank you Jesus, for the time I've had and the time to come. For each smile, each sound of laughter, and each kind hand. Thank you for all I have learned and all the lives that have touched mine. Thank you for sacrificing yourself, so that I am set free and can live a life with your joyful and compassionate Spirit. I do this for you Lord, and you alone. 

Living with your eternal love,

Your admiring daughter 

Attached to Hope- Africa Day 6

We were told not to get attached, because emotionally it can ruin you. I don't think that I'm capable of not attaching myself to children with the love The Lord has stored in my heart. Sometimes, my love overflows and bonds with the smiles and laughter that children produce. I guess that's a good thing, but not here, not now. The timing is horrible, but it's not my time to shine, it's his! God is tugging at every string that's wrapped around my heart. 

I'm starting to get the hang of this thing, you have to be stern with these children. I finally learned how to yell "Sit Down" with a Hitler, Germany type of tone. It actually works on these kids, and it's the only way to get them to listen. It's also boosted my confidence quite a bit! Although, with each yell I followed with a sweet smile and a kiss for all the children around me. It always seems to be that when you are finally getting the culture you must leave, today was our last, hard day at the feeding center and school. Although I was very weak and worn today, my prayer was for a renewed and energetic Spirit and I believe that it was answered. 

My heart was torn when Shelby pointed out a 2 year old to me. This wasn't a normal, healthy 2 year old though. As I took a deap breath and held her hand closer to my face the condition overwhelmed me. Her hand was burnt, from the fingertips to the wrist, pealing, cracking, blistering and missing the entire top later of skin. I tried to pick her up and comfort her, I then located her brother. I said in a terrible British/Bemba accent ( which seems to help them understand english better) "Does she have medicine?" He answered ,"Yeah!"  The little girl ran and snuggled with her brother, I said " does it hurt her?" He replied, "Yes, a lot!l I then questioned him, saying " why is she scared of me?" He shrugged and looked at her hand. My brain clicked, there is a strong possibility that her hand was burnt in response from physical 
abuse. A physical abuse that many of these children deal with daily. My heart hurt so much that I felt paralyzed and incapable of anything but love. I loved the girl and smiled at her as intentionally as I could. My soul sang for healing and a comfort for this child. 

The day went fast and feeding time soon came, which had become one of the worst yet my favorite part of the day. The worst because of how hungry the children are, but my favorite because I can help feed them with a prayer and a plate of corn meal, sliver of chicken with broth, and some boiled cabbage. Today I started by helping stir the thick, heavy, and hot mash made out of corn meal. Then, I grabbed the pot of cabbage and started to serve it on the plates, after a while we had about 20 kids to feed and I had ran out of the vegetable. I Wondered if we should make more, bu knew we had no vegetables left. God answered my question with "Keep going!". I had a moment when my mind raced and said " Lexi, it's all your fault that the rest of the kids aren't getting vegetables. You served too much to the kids before! How could you do that?" Right after the enemy was telling these lies to me, Christ interjected, reminding me he will give the children enough for that day, and supply there nutrition. I was thankful for that promise and went to wash dishes. 

While I cleaned the plates, I was surrounded by Zambian women with hearts of gold. I fit in, completely. I was meant to be here. If you've ever heard my testimony, it's not too exciting, but the turning point was the bullying I had gone through at school and how not fitting in really destroyed my confidence. The first place I ever fit in and was accepted was when I began going to Cornerstone youth group. The second place I fit in was next to an open fire of coals, a hole full of dirty dishes and filthy water, and a 150 hungry children in the middle of Africa. The common thread, Jesus. I fit in where Jesus is working. 

I cried and hurt as I kissed, hugged, and held each child saying goodbye. Instead of saying that dreaded word, Christ prompted me to say "See you soon!" I left knowing that I would soon see these faces of beauty and hope again. 

Cold Water, Warm Hearts-Africa day 5

Today was another day spent at the feeding center doing VBS. As we drove on the bumpy rodes in the bus I prayed and prayed for energy and a heart of compassion as I was lacking some of my previous qualities due to some mild exhaustion. Just in time, Jesus, pulled through and as the doors opened, I smiled as big as I could and welcomed each and every child that I passed on my short walk down the path to the school. Immediately, the day started, while we waited for the teachers to lead the children in thier morning songs I hugged and loved some of the children on the outskirts, the children that didn't make it into the feeding program, and the older children that were there to look after there younger sibilings in school. I began to feel burdened to look after these children today. 

We started the VBS and came to craft time. As I handed out crayons I took a bit of a risk and gave some to the older girls sitting on top of a mound watching the little ones.  I then proceeded to grab a coloring sheet so they could participate. They loved it, and tried to color there very best. I had swaddled the little girl from yesterday that was thin and frail and tied her to my side. With her sweet arms rapped around me I went to sit with the young women ( keep in mind they are probably only 10 or 11 years old, but have much more responsibility than any older sibiling in the US) I said to them,
" You are so beautiful and smart!" They looked back at me in awe as if I were an alien. I smiled and they finally replied, " Really? Thank you, you are beautiful too!"  It was as if they had never heard it before, and my heart hurt knowing how important it is for young women to hear that they are beautiful and smart. I continued and told them all how God made them special, and he loved them so very much! They smiled with each simple statement and giggled as they drew. One girl asked, " Will you draw me Jesus?" I laughed and thought, gosh I can't draw anything close to Jesus with a crayon. I created a circle with a smily face and some wavy hair. Then I realized, she is a visual learner just like me, I need to use this opportunity! So on each girls white coloring sheet I drew Jesus, a heart, and the word YOU to remind them that they were loved and not forgotten.

The day went fast, and hours passed with this little girl tied to me, she had fallen asleep for a while in my arms untill I woke her up for feeding. The kids were gathered around a bucket trying to wash there hands. I knew this little girl was hungry and eager to eat, so I brought her to the bucket. I washed her hands and sat her down to wait for her food, finally the plate came and she stuffed hand after hand full in her mouth as if she would never eat again. I helped her stuff some of the lettuce in and wiped her face. She stood up and proceeded to wet herself right where I stood, I smiled and lifted her off the ground. Barbra and I yanked her pants off and washed them in the water. Meanwhile she ran around, with a full stomach and no pants! 

Mealtimes are crazy and every child is hungry. Today I had the mental strength to hand out the food. I would go back and forth from the outdoor makeshift stove, with plates of food, and find a child that had not received thier meal yet. After setting the plate down the children shoved the food in thier
mouth and were finished quickly. I noticed a pile of plates was gathering and the 3 women cooking

the food from early this morning, like they do every school day, were finally sitting down for there meal. My head spinned for a second and said what a tedious and noble job they do! The Lord spoke directly to my heart and I humbled myself for service. 

I went directly to Paster Edward and said with quite a powerful Spirit," I am going to do the dishes, ok?" He looked back at me in disbelief, saying "You are going to wash the dishes?" " Yes,Pastor.." I answered.  "Well, okay," he replied. I think he knew that this strong christian woman was not changing her mind and like it or not I was washing those dishes. He walked me over to where they pumped city water into a hole they dug in the ground and lined in rocks. I set my hoodie where my knees would kneel and lifted my skirt up a little so I could sit. I then proceeded to joyfully wash about a hundred plates in a cold hole, with the little soap they had left. To test my faith even more, a drunk women had walked from her home to give us a few words. She said, "You feed my children, but you do not feed me! I am hungry too!" Her words played over and over in my head and a little
fear ran through me as she poked me and yelled to us Westerners. We eventually fed her, and I prayed she would be at peace. 

 I was splashed and soaked completely, but I had an overwhelming comfort and humble thoughts that overcame me. I could see myself doing this very thing for the rest of my life with joy. I even got an amazing compliment by the cook, " You are a true Zambian, a sweet African woman!" I giggled and told her I had waited for this moment all my life. Which in reality I had, I was at the feet of Jesus and laid down every ounce of my heart for his glory and service. I was doing exactly what I was always meant to do. 

1 Peter 3:4 " Your beauty should come from within you- the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that will never be destroyed and is very precious to God." 

Grace > Hunger-Africa day 4

Her rib poked mine as I held her in my arms. Hunger is devastating and when a child is hungry, it hurts even more deeply. Today was one of the most heart breaking days I have had. We began teaching VBS at a school here in Kitwe. As we were driving pastor Edward turned around and said "We are going into more poverty. " I looked out the window as the scenery began to change from poorer looking homes to huts and small brick buildings. The roads got narrower and bumpier when finally we came upon the "school", a small brick building, with a small patch of land gated with hills covered in garbage. Then came the most beautiful faces.  Over a hundred of these faces and I fell head over heals in love with each one of them. With Grace at my side and the Spirit dwelling inside of me I greeted each stunning child with "Hello sister, Hello Brother" with his eyes I saw every black, snotty nosed, and dry liped child as a special son and daughter, brother and sister with ONE Christ! 

I grabbed a baby girl who had been crying and snuggled her into my cheek, several seconds after, I felt something warm running down my shirt and looked down in surprise as I noticed the young girl was not wearing a diaper and had wet herself on me. With the mercy of Christ I smiled and set the child in a comfortable place.  Paster Clovis pored some water on the spot and I moved on. 

A baby boy began to cry so I ran to pick him up. He had a crusted noise and bloodshot eyes, but he was, for that second, my child. I grabed a hold of him, snuggled him up to me, and tied my hoodie around myself to support him like the African women do, I carried him around for an hour or so like that. He just snuggled right under my neck, snug as a bug. I looked down at him and saw something was in his mouth, I opened it and dug my fingers in ripping out leaves. I realized he had been eating the vegetation around us. My brain went into mommy mode. This child, God's child, my child, is hungry. At this point the kids were being served their one and only meal a day, and I was desperate to get my baby fed. I ran around in search for the baby's real mother so he could be fed, but none of the village women watching us would claim him. I ran to Paster Edward and said, " This baby is hungry, who does he belong to?" he took the baby and in Bemba ( there native language) he asked, "Who belongs to this baby?" After a minute, a girl about 7 years old stood up from the crowd and grabbed the child and took him to her food, where she fed him. Some relief came over me, but I still thought about the fact that he and his sister would be hungry tonight as they wait for there next meal. 

The VBS continued in what seemed to be a chaotic blur. Kids everywhere, crayons everywhere, the hot sun, the emotions, the hands grabbing mine, the known fact that each and everyone of these children had malaria and typhoid running through there systems and were living with every symptom that came along with them. With that thought in view, I saw a young girl maybe 4 or 5 laying under a tree while the children were eating. I went to her and gently picked her up and held her in my arms, Paster Edward walked over and said, "She is sick." My heart broke, because I knew that being sick in a place like this means being really sick. Later, I found that she had HIV and was struggling with symptoms. I cradled the sweet child in my arms as if she would die that minute, my heart loved her and still does as if I have known her for years. I prayed over her weak body for healing and restoration and passed her over to Shelby as many other young children were shouting, "Auntie  Lessi" and I was being sumoned to play. 

A tiny little girl tugged on my skirt I smiled down on her and lifted her up. She coughed as she leaned against my side and I felt a sharp rib touch my skin. My thoughts gathered and said, "Her ribs are touching me as she coughs." I was overcome with sadness. the thought of what kind of hunger this child has gone through, not only hunger for food, but hunger for comfort. 

I touched each and every child I could, I touched there soft warm cheeks, there rough cornrowed braids and sweaty shaved heads. I kissed each and everyones shiny forhead and told every child I could that I was there sister and I loved them. I called the girls princess, and boys princes, and reminded them that there dad was a King. I was covered in urine, sweat, dark warm hands, snot, sneezes, red dust, and had never felt more beautiful. I was content, at peace and in my own little slice of heaven! Coming back to the guest house, eating a hamburger, taking a hot shower, and getting in clean sheets feels uncomfortable and lonely. My heart longs for tommorow when yet again I can be among the least of these, with the greatest of love. 

Beautiful Servants- Africa Day 3

Today we went to church with Pastor Edward. I had no clue what to excpect, but in my mind it would be held in a little white building and all the old black women would be dressed in there finest attire and would dance and lift up the Lords holy name. At least the last part was right, but church was held in a poorly constructed wood structure, some parts coverd in tarp, with a few pieces of wood nailed together for seats. The women were dressed in there finest attire, that of some hand me down skirts and hoodies. The men dressed in suits that didn't match and button downs that had stains. All of that didn't matter though, I looked at these people and saw a beauty that surpassed our fashionable church any day. All of these people worshiped and prayed with such intensity that it's hard to describe the joy that overcame my heart. I have never felt closer in tune to the Spirt then the way I felt this morning in that structure without lights, instruments, or projecters. Why do we complain if the music is to loud? Why are we embarrassed to raise our hands and kneel before our Lord in public? Why are we scared to let go and dance for Jesus? We are talking about the Savior, the Mighty King, who has overcome the grave and rose beauty from ashes. He deserves everything and anything we can give him. America needs revival and to understand that our brothers and sisters in much more desperation and pain then we could imagine are faithful servants of God, the kind of servants that we need to be. A city on a hill, shining in sync for our great faith in our father! 

    Church on the Rock Zambia, Africa 

     I do this for you Lord, and you alone. 

Joyful Redemption- Africa Day 2

Today was another day full of adventures!  We started with the Maternity home connected with the Crisis pregnancy center. We heard the heartache of one of the girls there, as she told the story of how she came to be pregnant. This 14 year old was impregnanted by her father, after her mother had died. She had suffered so much, it was incomprehendable to think of how much pain her self esteem, heart, and health was and is in. She gave birth to a beautiful daughter and was staying at the maternity home to learn skills such as tailoring, gardening, and working with poultry. I was so blessed to see these women learning skills, and being loved by the mothers there. The Lord was ever so present leading them through the trials they had faced and redeeming there lives! 

After that, we drove down the rode to the Nehemiah Boys Ranch. I have to be honest, I was a little uncomfortable and nervous about this one. A group of young men my age, many found on the street, just learning about Christ seemed a little scary to a white teenage girl. How incorrect my thoughts were. I probably haven't met many other more respectful young men in my life. We all gathered in a circle and shared our names and aspirations. The boys went around saying what they wanted to become with such certainty.  Many had dreams of being lawyers, doctors, and engineers. I love how God used those dreams to encourage me. How often I tell myself," I can't be that",  " There is not enough opportunities",  " I will never get into a school that offers that program" , and " I will never be good enough to do that." Yet these 12 boys, that live in the middle of Africa, on a far off dirt road, with a well, and a small building, with broken windows, covered in wire, believed that with God they could do anything! What a powerful example of how following Christ can get you so far. 

Next Barbra,  Paster Edwards wife, showed us the barber shop and boutique they owned that raises funds for the Sara Rose foundation. As she introduced us to the managers she came around to me and said this is my daughter Lexi, I laughed because we had a conversation yesterday about her son being 17 just as I was.  Barabra and I seem to have a lot in common and she would like me to stay here and become her sons wife. Although I have never even met this young man. Now Brandon, not to worry, I still love you! 

After that, I think I smiled as big as the Cheshire Cat when I heard we were going to Indian food ( my favorite )! Back in the states my Daddy and I have gone on several dates to the Taj Mahal and ate fantastic Indian cuisine, just like what we had today! (Daddy, we had Tandori Chicken, rice, and Indian bread!) We have returned to our hotel, and are winding down before the 3 hour long service for Church in the morning! 

Thank you Lord for the tender heart you have blessed me with, and the wonderful laughs and hope you have instilled in our team! We live for your Glory:) 

Precious Life -Africa Day 1

I am in Africa, beautiful, cultural, genuine Africa. When our plane landed in Johannesburg it was freezing about 1 degree Celsius. We then flew to Ndola, a little warmer and drove to Kitwe, which is cool in the mornings and nights but perfect during the day. Last night we settled into our rooms at the hotel and met for dinner in there outdoor dining room. One for the hotel workers named Charles came to our room to get our orders for the Chef. We enjoyed a lovely meal, I had a ham and cheese sandwich with some vegetables. We then returned to our rooms for a much needed rest. I feel asleep, about 27 seconds after I hit the pillow and woke at 6:30. The team met for breakfast at the indoor dining hall and were fed a traditional Zambian real fast consisting of fried eggs, toast, tomatoes, ham, sausage, baked beans an some kind of other brown and onion mush that none of us were brave enough to try.

We then set out for the day in a small van driven, as if it were a race car, by Pastor Edward. We then picked up his beautiful wife Barbra and headed to the Silent Vioces Crisis pregnancy center. We got the grand tour, and received lots of amazing information about the ministry. They began in 1988 as the first Zambian Pregnancy center, sense then they have preached the good news and have been pro life, saving around 6,000 precious children of God. 

After that, we drove to the Sara Rose foundation Orphanedge where I fell in love 31 times, with each warm, dark, hand I held. These children took a piece of my heart from the second I looked them in the eyes. My two main companions Jophina and Juliet led me around, proudly showing me the old metal bunk beds they slept in. Watching there thankful faces, showing me where they eat and shower, I had a quiet moment when I needed to shed a tear. I only had an hour with them yet they blessed my life richly. At one point I was crowded in the school room with about 20 other children. Each child was writing names, letters, and numbers on the chalckboard all shouting " teacher!" "Teacher Lessi" " look" look" as each one pulled and tugged on me I would look down and say something around the lines of " wonderful, I'm so proud of you!" An hour that's all it took, and I'm hooked on loving on these kids! 

What an example that The Lord set for me today, he taught me every life and breath is precious. No matter where you live, love is the common thread. We want to be loved and to love. We want our Heavenly Father to look down and say "wonderful, I'm so proud of you! " 

The day is wrapping up and Edward and Barbra took us to te Pick and Pay ( Zambia's Walmart) for water, soda, and batteries. Next store there was a nice Chinese Restraunt where we decided to eat. So strange I know, Chinese in Africa? Surprisingly it was very good, and there are a lot of Chinnese buisnesses here. After that, we were returned to our hotel, at 6:30 we are going to brief about the day and sleep. Tomorrow comes with more ministry as we seek Christ in humility and faith. Thank you for your prayers! 

Cracked and Restoring

1 day 8  hours and 24 minutes, from this very moment I will board a plane at sky harbor to begin a 35 plus hour travel to Zambia. If I'm completely honest, I'm scared, weak, and very worn. This last week was rough and the spiritual ware fare was and is beyond what I would have expected. If it could be strained, it was strained. My relationships, my emotions, and my physical self has been hurting. Not only was it the 1 year anniversary of June 30th, but on top of that I learned more about ministry and the aches and pains that come with it than ever. Ministry is not glamorous. In fact it's rough and tough and more often then not you fall down and scrape your knee. The benefit of every ministry is, there will ALWAYS be someone there to pick you up. That someone isn't your youth paster, best friend, boyfriend, or even your mommy it's the one person that doesn't have to say a word, yet says it all. The Bibles been my chocolate this week ( as it seems to be every week) it cheers me up, makes me smile, and gives me hope that this life is worth living. I think that this adventure , that will lead me 9,569.97 miles away from my comfort zone , will break my selfish heart, and test me to live dangerously. I want to have a fearless Spirit that rejoices in times of doubt and shame. I want one of a meek and joyful heart. My first wish for this trip is that God will break my heart, and that together we can restore my life into a stronger servant hood. I'm seeing that Spiritual ware fare is a form of distraction in reality. Honestly I've had no time I think about boarding a plane to Africa. The enemy is ever so present at this time, which should make me joyful because that means something kingdom worth is about to happen. The nerves are definitely setting in and fear has clouded my heart a bit. My focus was derailed  and my thoughts tend to wander and it think I'm in need of an adventure and Today was it. My brother and boyfriend Brandon took me to Pine for Lunch and an adventure at Tonto bridge. Now I'm all for the great outdoors, but this was some major rock climbing, above cliffs, above deep pools of water, above insecurity. As we made our way over these treacherous caverns I couldn't help but focus on the beauty of this wonder. The bridge was in crested with stunning rocks and water in a deep turquoise  shade. As fear crept in at 50 or so feet up, I took a deep breath grabbed Brandon's hand and allowed him to lead me down the ledge, I really saw Jesus in this. Just as I trusted Brandon to safely lead me down the steep, slippery hill, I trust Jesus to lead me through the rocky dangerous world. I grab his hand and cling to his words " I will never leave you, or forsake you my beautiful daughter!" " Thank you father, I trust you, I trust you!" I answered. I'm realizing that trust can be more then a change of the heart, maybe trust is an emotion.. It seems to me that when I truly place my trust in Christ, I feel unburdened and free, but when I give a small price of my heart to trust I feel anxious and imprisoned to my worry. It's been a crazy day, it's been a crazy week, but he never left me, he stood by my side.

Consistancy in Change

I think that life has twist and turns, bumps and bruises, heartache and pain to strengthen our small faith. It amazes me how little time it takes for me to be so spiritually connected, and then one little thing can separate ME from God, but God does not separate himself from me, I separate myself from him. I realized something about Jesus this week, it may be one of my favorite things about him. I have a lot of wonderful, believing friends and family in my life, and they are all amazing, but they all change. I dislike change, in fact I despise it. I like how my life is, I have a loving boyfriend, beautiful family, great church, and hilarious friends. I always have a plan, and a backup plan, and sometimes one after that. I have a home, and a fridge full of food, the opportunity for education, and a voice. Everything is great, I am so blessed and I always will be with my belief in Jesus. The problem is, I want to freeze time. I don’t want to leave home, or make new friends, or really do anything out of my comfort zone. I basically want to live a boring, normal life, that does not change.

  Most importantly I don’t want my relationships to change. Now that’s scary! When a relationship changes, it usually means something is about it will die, and something new will replace it. I don’t like the dying part. It seems to me that when that part dies, heartbreak soon follows. Guess what? I figured out its inevitable for your relationships to change, and it kind of hurts. Actually, it really hurts.  Heartbreak is the worst pain, it surpasses grief in a way for me, although heartache is a large part of grief.  There are so many different things that break my heart, human trafficking, women suffrage, orphans, hunger, and cancer may be just a few. Changing relationships is another. I value each and every friendship I have, in fact I believe that my family consists of much more than the 5 of us Lucas’ it’s more like a hundred brothers and sisters, and a couple moms and dads. I love so many people, but people change, and so do I. My feelings change, my heart changes, and my focuses differ, but my God is constant.

"if we are faithless,
    he remains faithful,
    for he cannot disown himself."

2 Timothy 2:13

Always, forever, eternally will my heavenly father be the same. This truly amazes me , I am captivated with the thought of having a consistent factor in my life. If I didn’t have something to ground me, I would be like a house made out of straw, fortunately I am made out of brick.  The wind blows, rain comes, sometimes a hurricane, a tornado, or an earthquake happens, but I am still intact, and the only reason why is because of my strong foundation in Christ.

My prayer today:

Lord as everything shakes and I feel like I am crumbling, you stand strong. You hold me as I’m weak and hurt. As my heart breaks for change and different circumstances arrive I will turn to you the only source of power for me. I will make as great as an effort to shine you, because I know that in times of trouble, your love holds me and I can use that love to embrace someone else. I thank you for your heart for me, and for comforting me as everything is falling, and you are constantly you, loving, and beautiful you.

Thank you my mighty King Jesus my heart relents and trusts in you.

Your admiring daughter,

Lexi

I do this for you Lord, and you alone. 

 

 

The Peace After Grief

I've had my share of deep rooted pain. This summer I experienced the death of 19, in the fall a terrible car accident, and yesterday the death of a family animal. Literal heartache from pain, grief that can hurt so bad you're numb, suffering that is unimaginable , and a word conquered yet feared, DEATH. I'm tired of it, and I'm fed up with the feelings it's accompanied by. I am angry that on the cross the Lord defeated such a horrific thing, yet I still suffer from grief. This will be the first time I write about the last year of my life, and I hope to put it to rest, and rise from these ashes.

June, 30th, 2013. A date that will forever hold its sting, and has forever changed my life. On this day I was on vacation with my sister Laney, 7 and my mother Jen in Colorado along with our wonderful cousins. My father, Ralph and sister Lauren, 14 were in the middle of the grand canyon on a river trip.  I remember the second it came.A text that changed our family forever. My best friend Shelby asked if I had heard about the 19 missing wild land firefighters. Confused, and selfishly wondering how everyone liked the dessert I had cooked, I blatantly told my mom. She was concerned, and immediately researched the fire, by this time the were found, perished. That was my dads team, he had traveled, served, and bonded with each member. My mom picked up the phone and called another department wife for clarity, over the crackling voice on the other side we heard the names of each member that had passed. The depth of the heartache was so real as we each fell to our knees. Then, the voice of a widow we had had dinner with a few days before. I remember her saying, "Jen, I'm crying in my bed surrounded by women who love me, I'm okay." I directly called my youth pastor, best friend, and mentor for wisdom. I had never experienced such sadness. We had to push it away, get tickets for the next flight home, and locate the other half of our family in the middle of the Grand Canyon. After hours and hours of tracking my sister and dad, the helicopter found them, dropped a note reading," Ralph and Lauren , please evacuate and meet us at the end of the trail. Terrified, while running 2 miles to the end of the trail, my heroic father assured my sister that something terrible had happened, and that he would always be there for her. The helicopter evacuated them, as the rode up, the pilot said, "Sir, I am sorry to inform you but 19 of your men have perished in a fire." They landed to men lined across the runway saluting my father as he walked to the car.I remember walking through the Phoenix Airport, literally feeling like the world had stopped. I now believe that the Lord released me from the situation for just a moment. As we just about ran to the car, it was as if I was watching us from heaven. I watched the thousands of people pass us by, without a thought.

We had returned, we were home, well our broken earthly home Prescott, Arizona born and raised. The next month of my life, is a blur. Funerals, Funerals, and more funerals. I swear, any moment that our family wasn't wearing black was a  moment of freedom. Family and friends everywhere, and there for practically every little thing. I will humbly admit I did not know every Firefighter, or had a deep personal relationship with any of them, but when you grow up in the fire department every one is family, and as far as I'm concerned I had 19 members of my family die on 1 day. I watched my father suffer through,19 different ends to relationships 19 different grieving process, the attempt to comfort 19 families,  the passing of 19 flags, and 19 different funerals. It came to a point where I no longer felt the sadness, because it was so terribly deep. I watched children, wife's, and friends grieve the deaf of 19 men not even near there time of death. I was beyond the emotion of anger, I was furious and outraged at my Lord for allowing such a tragedy pass through my life. I reluctantly attended the memorial service, and then was left home alone for 4 days as my parents traveled to funerals, and my sisters stayed with my aunt. During this time, I searched my heart looking for answers to the deep grief our family and town was feeling. I didn't only want direct answers, but I wanted to fix the problem.

Months passed, and the blur continued. My sister and I wanted to start our Christmas Wish Lists, we asked our mom if we could drive to Hobby Lobby. She simply answered "yes", and we went to leave. Lauren turned around saying, "Mom say goodbye, you don't know we could get in a car accident or something!" my mom said, "Lauren, you're right I'm sorry , goodbye. I love you!" I was a 16 year old driver with a red civic. I was  driving along as I always did, granny speed. I noticed a driver in front of me swerving in and out of lanes. As I approached Prescott valley, the driver pulled in front of me and slammed on his breaks, without time I slammed on mine. We hit so hard it was as if my heart leaped out of me. My first priority was my sister, she was okay. I didn't care if I was, my car was totaled, and on top of that the driver fled the scene.Fast forward a couple hours, I didn't have a car, my sister and I were suffering with harsh whiplash, and I now faced a new fear, that continues today.

 May 22nd 2014, our cat passed. Dear old Beans (our cat). I literally despised the thing, because it would attack you behind corners as if it was possessed with demons. Yet as I home schooled myself on weekdays, when our home was s empty, my good old buddy beans was right there to cuddle for 30 seconds or so, before he tried to rip off my face. How he died is not for the weak stomached readers, so skip this part if you must. I wish I could. He suffered. Tonight my sister Lauren graduated from 8th grade, and we had been out celebrating for 3 hours. My grandma dropped me off at youth group, my sweet brother in Christ Brandon had dropped me off at home, as we walked in the door my dad had to inform us my mother was at the emergency vet with Beans. When the family had got home from the festivities for the night, my mom opened the garage to pull her car in, as she did she watched that cat along with my two sisters, drop from the garage to the ground. He had been caught, and hanging for three hours in one of the sections of the garage door. he lied there as my mom rushed to the vet. The news soon came, completely paralyzed with a broken back, and on his last breath. They put him down.

I am so done, so done with anything that ends in death, or tragedy. I hate the thought of suffering. I hate the thought that 19 men burned to death,that my car accident has left me with so many terrible fears, and that our cat died such a horrible, painful, long death. I hate even the thought of the people suffering and facing persecution all around the world for there faith. I hate that thousands of girls are stuck in red light districts, and sold into the sex trade. I hate that there are 132 million orphans. I hate that we once were racist, and segregated. Most of all I hate the fact that the Lord could allow such heartache in the world.This has been the hardest thing I have ever wrote on a personal level, yet alone a published blog. What was the point of me writing this? Believe me, I struggled, bawled my eyes out, almost broke my laptop, and yelled at God every five minutes while he continually made it clear for me to write these events. I am transformed, I am closer, and I am stronger. As I look back on each event, and dissect the process in which I grieved and am grieving for each, I see a clear trend. A trend of hope, and revival. It has been, but a few hours sense Beans passed, and I am worshiping Jesus in such a way that I may as well just burst with joy filling my heart with my King Jesus.

"and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." -Isaiah 61:3

  From the fallen 19:

• I have witnessed the faith of my earthly father grow closer to my heavenly father
• I have seen our family struggle, and learn to reconnect. 
• I have made a life long friendship with my widowed sister Kristi. 
• I have  felt my heart break over and over again as the Lord continually purifies every ounce of my soul

 "So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal"-2 Corinthians 4:16-18

  Through my car accident:

•  I have found forgiveness, in the depths of my heart. 
•  I have obtained a fear of driving/car rides in general that forces me to put trust in Jesus, and Jesus alone. 
• I have developed a deeper appreciation, and love for my family and loved ones

 ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” Revelation 21:4

 
The death of our cat Beans:

•  I have found how to process grief. 

The secret is to let yourself. Just grieve, if you want to make it through, then take every emotion that comes with it. Tonight I found myself throwing things across the room and yelling at God, to five minutes later worshiping him with such an intensity that i felt as though I was no longer an earthly object, but an eternal spirit that belongs in the palm of Jesus. He was waiting for me, all along, all he wanted me to do was grieve. I fought tears, anger, and really any emotion I could, and simply tried to forget the pain I was feeling for the last year. When all our gracious Lord wanted was for me to cry in till I literally believed I might pass out, jam my face into the depths of my pillow, and release every ounce of pride left, and just rest in his arms.

I do this for you Lord, and you alone. 

The Personality Type of People Pleasing

I am... I am a daughter, a sister, a friend and a people pleaser. Although that may not sound like a dangerous, or degrading word, it is. People pleasing is among the most addictive and harmful habits a human can ever develop. People pleasing has run my life for as long as I can remember, and in reality is just a form of insecurity. Over the past 6 months, people pleasing has degraded my self esteem, taken up hours of my time, and brought me to my knees. I could not promote a better book then the book of Galatians for this topic. Over the past week a brother and I have read and dissected this book and its spiritual wisdom. As Paul writes to the churches the Lord instructed him to plant years before, he brings out attributes that reflect the personality type and art of people pleasing. Galatians 1:10 reads "Do you think I am trying to make people accept me? No, God is the one I am trying to please. Am I trying to please people? If I still wanted to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." Convicting... right? I am disgusted at the fact that I could not be serving Christ because of my addiction to people pleasing.

When I was called into the presence of the Lord I wasn't instructed by anyone, but saved by Christ alone. So why do I dwell for hours about how if I would have done this, or that he would have, she would have liked me better. People pleasing is not only mentally and physically draining, but spiritually disastrous. I am a slave to my habit of people pleasing, Mathew 6:24 says"No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other..." Colossians 3:23-24 says,"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. The scriptures clearly rebuke people pleasers, but it is easier said then done to abandon this lifestyle.

The art of people pleasing is so intricate and intense. Certain people desire certain needs, and therefore your focus of pleasing changes with the person or people you're around. I found that some people like control, others like comfort, and yet others are just lazy. I'm the one who picks up the slack, makes situations easier for others (making it harder for myself), or the one who settles on an idea that may not be spiritually lead, or reflect the light. All, because I genuinely want others to be happy. Pathetic, we were not made to be happy all the time. We were made to grow in the Spirit, to spread truth, and to point everything back to Christ. People pleasing is none of those things, in fact its the opposite. It points my heart, and my desires straight back to the world, and the people on it, and therefore is unhealthy for my Spiritual life. 

 How can I, as the Lord has, rebuke this addiction. Well as in all things, I believe we need to turn back to the scriptures for Spiritual wisdom and instruction. There are three key points to attempt readjusting the personality type of people pleasing.

1. "Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load." Galatians 6:1-6 Get yourself an accountability partner! Designate a person that is constantly around you in stressful situations that may tempt you back into people pleasing. As well as an encourager, that can help you release control, and learn how to delegate. Pick someone that is honest, and willing to tell you when you are in sin, and when you need to step back and recenter your focus back on Christ
2.  "How can you believe, when you receive glory from one another and do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?" John 5:44 . Every time a new task, or opportunity for people pleasing arises ask yourself why you are doing this? If any of the answers include, a need for self praise, the admiration of a person, or the happiness of a crowd do not do it. If it simply is to advance the kingdom then invest every ounce of yourself into doing it.
3.  "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."- Galatians 2:20 I can do nothing alone, along with an accountability partner here on earth with me, and really a heart that desires Christ I can overcome my addiction to people pleasing, and break the habit as a whole. With the Lord as my guide, protector, and rock. 

 I do this for you Lord, and you alone.

Beginings

Before I begin this new journey, I would like to start with some disclaimers. First, I am writing because the Lord has laid this upon my heart to share with you my spiritual thoughts. Next, I do this only for the glory of the Lord and to advance his kingdom. Last, I would not be capable of any of this on my own.  I will  prayerfully creating these posts in hope of sharing with you amazing facts about my father. I pray that this would not only be informing about my walk with Christ, but a place of hope and a form of worship glorifying our Lord.

 I love the scripture presented by Paul in  Galatians 5:13 saying, "My brothers and sisters, God called you to be free, but do not use your freedom as an excuse to do what pleases your sinful self. Serve each other with love.(NCV)" I have been experiencing situations in the past couple months that have the theme of service. When I first started my church internship my heart was so full of willingness to serve. I was willing to do anything and everything to somehow "improve" the church.  My motives were not only wrong, but prideful. I desperately wanted to use my spiritual gifts in a way that served God, but sin crept in. Its so easy for us to become prideful. A simple encouragement from a pastor, or a acknowledgment in front of your youth group can so easily become enough fuel to start a fire of self seeking sin. My father rightfully deserves every ounce of glory that I can squeeze out of the service I do it for him. I think its hard for  Americans to purify our hearts. Constantly the enemy tempts us with the American Dream. We desire financial security, not only that but we want more. We work for worldly wealth.  We wish for success, and worth, but we already have all of that.The only thing the King of Kings wants from you and I is our hearts. Yet no matter how often we go to church, or pray, we hand over a saturated torn organ that's infested with  black pigment contaminating the purity given to us by  grace. Thank goodness our God is the master of forgiveness. We were called to freedom, saved, and loved forever and ever.

Servant, is the most kind and worthy name I could possibly accept from such a holy and perfect Dad. I feel like the most inadequate daughter that he has, yet he tells me I am beautiful, made in his image, and created to worship him. What an honor, I was not blessed with spiritual gifts to "improve" the church, but to glorify my God. Once I removed the pride, guess what remained? Joy, fulfillment, and a completely content soul. Let me tell you , in the midst of heading up a large Spring Tea Fundraiser for my church, the week started as overwhelming, disgraceful, and beyond stressful, but this afternoon the Lord revealed such a greater purpose for my service. Through the Spirit, a  friend reminded me why I was organizing such an event. Its all about him. Even as I am in tears in the middle of Walmart, because I couldn't match the shade of pink plates to my menus, God wanted me to remember that I should be so captivated with him that my trust is without borders. Therefore, I commit to giving every ounce of my freedom to the Lord (I mean, it rightfully belongs to him, the one who did not sin. Yet he took every sin ever committed by the human race upon his shoulders), and not to sin. I eagerly give myself to service, secured with love. I do this for you Lord, and you alone.